


getting lost between the young ferns, and old emotions

by oleandy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Beginnings of a relationship, Camping, Consort Companions, Earth C (Homestuck), Getting Back Together, Getting To Know Eachother Again, Hiking, M/M, Nonbinary Jake English, Trans Dirk Strider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28768836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oleandy/pseuds/oleandy
Summary: In between the amount of interkingdom conferences, meetings for setting up the Consort Kingdom to be self-governing, and whatever staggering amount of bullshit Jake's been working with as a star of whatever Hollywood 2.0 has set up for him, you decided to outstretch a (hopefully) helpful hand to help him relax, and he agrees.Now you're stuck in the middle of some fuck off deciduous rain forest with a whole lot of amphibireptiles that you’re unsure whether or not were invited, and a whole Jake English.You definitely needed more time to prepare.
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider
Kudos: 12
Collections: DirkJake Big Bang 2k21





	getting lost between the young ferns, and old emotions

**Author's Note:**

> honestly you can Kinda call this dirkjake cuz they ease some things but ngl while i was writing this i was like hm.... time to make this a oneshot series so that's coming. poggers

You feel the muscles in your calves burn as the group that you’ve been hiking with slows to a stop. You’re breathing hard, leaning forward to keep yourself balanced with the amount of shit you have in and on your hiking backpack. Your hands find purchase on the front of your thighs, your thumbs idly running back and forth over the black cloth of your joggers.

You said earlier that you prefer to linger in the back of a group, which is partially true. You find it comforting to entrust yourself with keeping a cautious eye out, just in case.

Though, most of it is because of the fact you’re currently struggling to keep up with the others.

The others, excluding Jake, are consorts. Jake’s ‘associates’ apparently, to whom he extended the invite of his hike-camp-outdoor boogaloo experience to. You admit working with Consorts seems much better than working with people. Three Salamanders of various colours, an Iguana which you assume is from LoFaF, and a Nakkodile that wears glasses. You never considered that they could be nearsighted. Makes you wonder how common it is, if it’s anything like how humans are; is it unusual for Carapacians to wear glasses? You might text Roxy later about that.

They manage to surprisingly keep their pace with Jake much better than you, looking much less worse for wear. You wouldn’t say that it was exactly discouraging, but it’s… Something. You decide that, once you go home, you will deeply invest yourself in researching the physiology of the four separate Consort species. You feel as if you need to look into them more overall.

As their deity, you spend very little time with the charge you’ve been chosen to represent. There’s a distance between you and them. Unlike the Beta versions of your guardians, you never had the chance to interact with them. Unfortunately, the Consorts that were assigned to live on your respective planets had all died out eons ago, merely skeletons to slice your blade through alongside the other undead monstrosities.

Though, wouldn’t any of the ones you’ve met eventually disappear anyway? You all essentially fast-forwarded the Earth five-thousand years into the future.

Wow, what an abysmal thought.

You shake your head as you sigh through your nose, leaving the analysis of your Game’s situation for a future time. You are not here to dwell upon what happened in your past and the circumstances of it all, but to spend time and focus on your actions _now_ , what you can possibly do in the present.

In this rainforest, 

with a group of Consorts you hardly know,

_and_ Jake.

Who certainly looks surprisingly chipper than you are currently. He hardly seems bothered by your shared trek, as he sports a wide, toothy grin upon his face. You curse the diversity of your genetics that somehow allowed him to be tall. Five foot somethin’ and your bills are only paid because you’re an unholy abomination of a God and a celebrity. Some theological shit that you seriously disapprove of, that you unfortunately are still adjusting to. The idealized expectation versus the unfortunate, and often debilitating reality. You’re the physical embodiment of Paris Syndrome. 

Or an oversized, snotty child with chronic static electricity discharge problems. It’s often like you’re wearing woolen socks matched with a cashmere sweater while dragging your feet over a carpet. And you’re holding a cat that Roxy most likely supplied. There have been many times now that you’ve accidentally shuffled your feet and, when you went to work on one of your various temporarily discarded projects, you wound up giving yourself a huge shock. It’s always immediately followed with the panic of ‘ _Holy shit, did I just break this hardware?’_ You don’t often, but shit’s still aggravating. Another thing among many others that you have to pay attention to.

Makes you wonder how Jake’s been, for lack of a better term, _coping_ with his own Godtier powers. Many of its, pun unintentional, aspects are still elusive to you. You were not assigned to fight alongside him in the Final Battle, but you assumed he did… something besides wielding his dual pistols. Hope is the aspect of possibility, right? Creation and belief?

You find yourself watching him as he walks, stepping carefully, yet confidently over any bump in the trail. He’s used to it, isn’t he? Following behind the steps and pathways made both by the beasts that lived on his island, as well as his grandmother.

He slows for a moment, turning to look at you. You quirk a brow, and he grins.

“I really do appreciate you giving me the chance to go out here, Dirk. I think I really needed it.” He turns his attention back towards the group walking ahead of you. Apparently when Jake decided to join you in the back, the Nakkodile, Daunted, had turned their attention towards you. They wave once the two of you meet eyes. 

You give him a curt salute. Yeah, your social skills may be uncoordinated at times, but you can’t leave a guy hanging. If the Consort wants a lil wave, you’re gonna give him a lil wave. It’s the least you can do.

“There’s no need to thank me, dude. ‘S what I’m here for.” You wave him off, literally and metaphorically with that.

“And yet I will not hesitate to do it! Unfortunately, no matter what you will, it will not stop my barrage of my offerings of continued friendship. You simply have to suffer.”

“Wow, such an accommodating and understanding God you are. I’m so blessed to be in your presence.” You deadpan.

“Oh nooooooo, please file your complaint with one of my dear associates, and let’s hope it’ll reach my desk eventually!” Almost as if on cue, Auxiliary Hellbender stops and lets Jake catch up with them. “Thank you for offering, my dearest compadre!”

Without another word, Jake scoops up the red-pink salamander in his hands and cradles them close to his chest. “Now, please, state your issues accordingly. It is not necessary for them to be chronological, and you can offer them in any media you please! My wonderful Auxiliary here,” He says that in such a fond tone, as if he was speaking to a beloved pet, “Is also fluent in written Carapacian and Pre-Earth C Alternian! Took the latter as an elective in university.” The two of them share an absolutely despicable grin.

“Nevermind, I should’ve rescinded my offer to hike with you the moment you accepted this. We’ve entered my personal hell, and it’s fucking green in every sense of the word and is god damn flourishing. We need Persephone to visit her Deathrock-obsessed punk boyfriend and let winter ease in so us non-forest dwellers can adjust.”

“What will you do when we all have to cuddle for warmth with the on-set of the sudden chill? I’m sure the Consorts are cold-blooded.”

“Freeze.”

“ _Bro_.”

“Be prepared Jake, corpses are much heavier to carry when you’re frozen-solid.”

“Dirk you will be _fine-_ ”

“Nope, I’ve already accepted it. We’re the antithesis of each other. You’ve healed and invigorated by this environment. You’re merely a few steps from using your theologically-related fame to sell various ‘cure-all’ essential oils. Next thing we know you’re going to be buck-fuckin’ naked doing yoga in the middle of the wilderness, no one to witness you sunning your perineum.”

“I think you’re swinging a bat at one hell of a hornet’s nest there!” Hellbender giggles out a few blue, sticky-looking bubbles at Jake's response.

“Alas, how could I forget that you grew up deep in the underbrush of a deserted island, running free like a unleashed white child in a mall.”

“Yes I did and we both know it is simply in my _nature_ to enjoy it!” Jake says as you follow the other Consorts through a small break in the trees. When you look up at the sky, you can see the vague outlines of trolls and lusii flying about.

“What you said was absolutely abhorrent, and the only decision I can make after that is turning around and promptly walking home.”

Jake scoffs, which makes Hellbender stick their bottom lip out at you. Unfortunately, that means you have to rescind your previous statement immediately. Maybe you’re starting to grow comfortable around the Consorts. 

Just maybe.

When you reach the campground, it’s small, and it seems like people haven’t been here in a long time. There’s plenty of leaf litter in the hollow, and the rocks that might’ve circled a fire have been pushed out of their places.

“Do you think it is a good idea to leave Tavrosprite alone?” Jake asks, balancing the red Salamander, Hellbender, in his arms. They blow a few bubbles, seemingly content. 

"I don’t think he could ever have the will inside of him to intentionally create havoc- especially amongst the Consorts. Seems like he views them more as pets than anything else. Indisposable fiduspawn?” You glance over to them, watching the group converse with each other. Daunted chirps something, which causes the Iguana- _Lilypad-_ to make a noise akin to laughter.

You make a reminder to polish your interspecies language skills in the future.

"Mmm, that is true.” Jake starts off, setting Auxiliary Hellbender down onto the ground. The dark pink salamander scampers off to join the others. “He’s become a better compatriot than I expected, honestly! And he’s been a good influence on the Consorts. Don’t tell him- it would unbelievably inflate his ego- but I must admit I do find myself being envious of him at times…”

"For what?” You say, letting your backpack slide down off of your shoulder and onto a nice looking spot. Dry enough to not soak the bottom of your pack, and not too messy. Though, you know it’s inevitable to find some stray shit in your things eventually (like how you find sand in places where it should never be a month after you visit the beach. Nature has its way of worming into everything. Water at least went away quickly). “Not being the Consort Kingdom’s Celebrity Catboy? You have some aspects of that title, if it settles you.”

“No, no! Of course not! I believe I have more than enough attention turned towards me.” He says, raising a shoulder to hide his face.

“Really?”

“It can be a lot on a person-” Jake pauses, “Not that I mind it, of course. It’s simply something that I am still adjusting to. A challenge like any other!”

“Uh, yeah, I get it.” You think you do, at least. “A lot to deal with when you have all eyes on you.” You have yet to truly dip your toes into the celebrity culture surrounding Earth C, more than your God status has already given you. As enjoyable as the challenge of expanding your- and to an extent, your brother’s- work to the masses of Earth C; the sudden swarm of attention would be, as Jake said, a _lot._ You think you’ll be fine without it for now. Besides, isn’t there already a huge interest in shit that is described as “Lost Earth Media” by Earth C citizens?

That actually sounds weird as shit to think about. It’s similar to your own experience but…

Not really?

"So how has laying low been going for you?" Jake asks, a pair of bundled up camping chairs materializing in his hands. You wonder how much he keeps in his Sylladex. His modus is puzzle, right? 

"It's nice.” You start off, “I’ve only really started to interact with the general population. I don’t think Earth C could aptly handle the level of shit I could actually drop on them. They say they know the kind of media that went down on our Earth-” You can’t help but laugh, as you speak. “But I think what I’m capable of here will cause my brother to fuckin’ raise from the dead just to applaud me. And I’ll bask in the glory of it all.” 

“And what have you _actually_ done, Dirk? As much as I enjoy you prattling on and on about your profoundly elaborate dream of extending your brother’s legacy, I wouldn’t actually mind getting an earful of activities you’ve actually participated in.” Before you even look at him, you can clearly hear the grin in his voice.

“Wow, demanding so much from me right now, huh? Almost makes me _want_ to keep you at the edge of your seat here, dude.” You can’t stop the subtle grin from rising to your face.

“As if you don’t run me wild with the geese already!” Jake scoffs.

“Wow, absolutely begging for it this time, huh?” He takes this moment to try to jab you in the side with a hand, and you barely manage to slip out of the way by speeding your steps up. “Fine, I’ll sate your apparently ‘all-consuming’ hunger for what I’ve been occupying myself with over the past few weeks.”

“THANK you! Sometimes it feels like you’d prefer me to physically twist your arm.”

“Let’s wait until we finish setting shit up to start wrestling, tiger.”

Jake makes another almost-aggravated noise, and you notice it catches the attention of the Consorts. Lilypad pauses from pushing over a log to elbow Bubbles in the side, and the two of them shamelessly grin at each other. Hello? What the hell does that mean?

You’re going to move on from that. You still need to answer Jake.

“I’ve been working under a pseudonym, obviously, it’s only the mildest in the arrangement of inconveniences I cope with each day.” You laugh quietly, “I do have a few things going for me, though. Taking various commissions from citizens. A versatile, wall-climbing roomba for a Caparacian, a replacement prosthetic for a Burgundyblood I met online. Just little things, mostly. Ways to help Earth C that isn’t- y’know- using my status or some shit. Feels impersonal.”

Jake nods along, “I definitely get that! Sometimes you simply want to do good because you _want_ to. Not because you want to keep up your image of such a kind and benevolent god! I simply like being nice.” 

Daunted and Lilypad make quick work of setting up the spots where they're going to rest. Daunted’s tent is covered in bright, warm tones of yellow and red, while Lilypad’s fits their own palette of dark teal-blue. Meanwhile, it looks as if the Salamanders will all share a tent. Makes sense, they’re relatively smaller than the other species of Consort. A hefty cat, in comparison to a smaller dog.

You look back towards your pack and your eyebrows furrow together, did you- Did you _not_ bring your tent? You sit back on your heels, looking back through your memories, your double and triple checking. It’s unlike yourself to simply ‘forget’ an item as important as your temporary shelter.

You send a sidelong glance over at the others and- Jake is fucking _digging_? When the hell did he get a hand spade? Where did he put it? His Sylladex? What is the purpose of that? 

Fuck. You are completely out of your element here. Your only previous experiences with camping had been laying out under the stars on the concrete roof of your apartment. You couldn’t be less conspicuous right now, even if you were wearing some fuck-off bright vest- Like some construction worker. Actually, that occupation sounds much more desirable than being in this current situation. You’d be delighted to be anywhere but here, including being buried six feet under. This is fucking humiliating.

“ _Glub_?” You’re unceremoniously knocked out of your thoughts by Suzerain Swamp Squelch apparently checking up on you. They look concerned.

“Uh- Hey.” You do not enjoy how tall the Salamander is when you’re sitting down.

They tilt their head, make a few more distinctly wet sounding noises, and gesture towards your pack. Then their outstretched hands point towards an empty spot.

Where your tent would be. 

If you had it.

Fuck.

Swamp makes a face that is distinctly concerned, before they look over their shoulder and chirp. It’s a call, a request for someone to come over.

And of course, it’s Jake.

Great. You would much prefer if Swamp would cut the chase with the humiliation, and take their little green hands and simply choke you out. Skip the formalities, they’ve known you long enough.

“What’s happening over here?” Jake walks over way too quickly and places his hands on his hips.

Suzerain Swamp Squelch holds out both of their hands at you. You feel even smaller.

“I misplaced my tent.” You say quickly, not giving the others a chance to continue to unintentionally embarrass you. “I- I _know_ I double-checked for it. I’m not the type of person to lose shit like this and-”

Now it’s Jake’s turn to cut you off. “Dirk, it’s okay. We can share.” 

“What?” You get up onto your feet. You still feel small.

“I don’t mind sharing a tent with you, it’s the least I can do for a good bro such as yourself!” He pats you on your shoulder, before returning back to where his tent is being set up. It’s so nonchalant, as if he didn’t just ask you all of, well, _that._

“Are you sure?” You ask, stepping forward, because you can survive, you can deal with it. It’s not like you haven’t slept in worse conditions. You could probably count the amount on both hands, and possibly your toes.

“If I wasn’t, why would I be offering it to you?” Jake straightens up after he finishes adjusting the position of the tent’s last pole to the forest floor. He doesn’t look at you as he talks, he’s probably still double-checking what will be your shared tent but-

What he says makes you pause, having to take a moment to straighten your thoughts and words out. Because why would he offer it? To you, of all people?

“I don’t think it’s that much of a big deal! Besides, it’s better than letting you weather through whatever tonight will bring!” Jake continues, wiping his hands on his shorts. “I don’t think you’ll be as chipper as the Consorts will be if it starts raining.”

He laughs when you grimace at the thought.

“Alright, alright- Fine. I’ll secede. You win.” You raise your hands, “Thank you, English, for rescuing me from looking like a poor, soaking wet puppy. The last one left in the ‘Free to a Good Home’ box, and you can’t help but take me home to dote on me when you see my big, sad eyes.”

“As if you’d like it to be anyone else!” You’re not sure if you like what he’s insinuating. “Though I’m sure my dearest associates wouldn’t mind sharing their space with you!”

Hellbender gives you a thumbs up.

“... It’s uh, appreciated.”

“Now, you can just go and set your things in our tent. The others and I will set up a fire and everything. Tonight will be wonderful, I can assure you of that!”

You’d like to think so.

"Aight." Is all you can say as you pick up your pack by its straps and carry it over to tonight’s temporary shelter. You pull back the zipper with your free hand and slip away inside.

As claustrophobic as it feels, you can breathe much easier in here than outside.

You look around, seeing that Jake has already set his things inside. Maybe you should ready his sleeping bag? Jake is allowing you to take refuge in his tent for tonight, it’s the least you could do-

But even _glancing over_ at it feels like you’re intentionally overstepping, even when he’s not around to witness it.

You attempt to busy yourself with laying out your own bedroll for now, as close to the edge of your eventual shared space as you can. It’s hard to ignore the sound of the- most likely literally- bubbling laughter from outside the tent. You might have invited him, but you feel like an outsider to your own event.

Eventually, you shuffle over to the other side, to remove his sleeping bag, it’s the least you could do. It’s soft, and a deep forest-green. You wonder if it’s his favourite colour, or if he even has one at all.

There’s… a lot you’ve yet to understand about Jake. It’s probably a good thing that you don’t. You’re fully aware of how often you dissect the most mundane shit, because you cannot trust the intentions behind it. You never have been good at it, trust, and what it stands for.

You eventually rise, and shuffle over to open the flap to the tent the rest of the way and-

Jake is sitting there, gesturing as he talks along to the Consorts. He has something in his left hand, but you can't make it out well the lowlight. Perhaps food, Jake did mention bringing some along. Daunted turns his head when he sees you, and salutes you. The other consorts eventually follow suit with their own greetings, and you find yourself recoiling at the sudden attention.

“I was wondering if you had gotten a bit of shut-eye! You seemed pretty tuckered out when we got here.” 

“Try as I might, I was unable to make myself comfortable. And uh, since I did owe you a favour, I set up your sleeping bag. Hope it’s all good and set there.”

“It’s probably fine. I’ve dealt with much worse than any discomfort you could provide!” That’s probably the most comfort he can offer, and so you’ll take it. Not like you deserve much better anyway.

As you talk, Daunted and Swamp Squelch are _still_ working on preparing a meal for themselves. Swamp seems to be _extremely_ particular about the placement of the kitchenware, and Daunted looks like they desperately want to move on. 

"...I guess." You shrug.

Jake opens his mouth to keep talking, when Daunted interrupts with an undignified squawk, bumping their shoulder against Swamp. Before either of you can react, Lilypad rushes over from her tent, and pushes herself between them. You realize you’ve actually never seen the Consorts squabble before. How neat. Swamp wrinkles their nose, and Daunted returns their dissatisfaction with a quiet growl.

“Okay- Okay!” Jake interrupts them, standing up. “Let’s not do this right now! It’s late, and I know you all can’t stay up as late as the rest of us anyway- You’re all probably snappish from the lack of sleep, right? And I did make extra preparations just in case such a thing would happen!”

Apparently during the short scuffle, Banneret had the same exact idea as Jake, rushing over to interrupt. She’s already pulling Swamp Squelch away, bubbling out mumbles in a quiet tone. Daunted huffs, and stiffly walks off towards their own tent.

Jake runs a hand through his hair, “...They still have their rough points, Suzerain and Daunted are still working on things, but aren’t we all?” He shakes his head as he slowly sits back down on the log that was brought over earlier. 

You quietly settle down near him, giving Jake some space. The air’s tense, and as Jake said- this was _supposed_ to be fun. “So, uh, when did you meet the others, anyway?” 

He looks over at you, a small smile rising to his features.“The Consorts? It's been a while, actually. For some of them at least." He laughs weakly, "Still getting to know some of them though, with their quirks and all. To answer your question, during SkaiaNet’s infancy, I decided that it would be a splendid idea to search for the technologically sophisticated Consorts as employees. After all, we are their Patron Gods, I assumed they'd be eager to help out with such a project.."

"Which now that I think about it sounds pretty horrible, but I think I had good intentions there. I'm sure of it." Jake leans back, stretching out his legs as he looks away. Your eyes follow his towards the underbrush and foliage that surrounds the two of you.

"I don't think many people could ever intentionally hurt a Consort." You look back towards him, "These bad boys can fit so much infantile charm in them. Big, round faces, short, stubby legs, and so expressive. A check on every characteristic that activates our innate parental instincts. You look at one, lock eyes, and you're fucking screwed. You can't not want to protect one of these. Hold them gently in your arms, tell them it'll be alright- and hell if you feel saucy- maybe give them a shoosh or two. Perhaps even a pap."

That makes Jake laugh. "I suppose I can't deny that, good friends, the whole lot of them are." He shifts slightly, and you notice how... comfortable he looks. Relaxed. “It’s nice that they do try. Loyal to a fault, perhaps.” 

You fall quiet, feeling as if there’s something else to the meaning of that. Just beyond your fingertips, just out of grasp. When you look at him, he seems to be equally lost in thought.

The forest is loud, you’ve come to realize, when it’s just the two of you sitting here. The chirps of the insects all around you, the distant calls of lusii, and what you assume to be the quiet mumbling of the Salamanders. You’re still learning the differences in the Consorts’ dialect. Hard to determine with untrained ears.

That’s true for many things, though.

"You know…” He trails off for a moment, falling into silence for a few moments. You presume he’s choosing his words carefully, and it takes him longer than you would expect. “Even now, I don’t think I could ever find myself disliking you." Jake admits. Your head snaps over to him.

"Wait. _What_ -?"

"Yes. That- That _isn't_ me pulling your leg or a jest or even simply fucking with you!" He turns towards you with such an earnestness on his face it almost makes you wither. If you weren’t sweating earlier, you sure as hell are now. Jake lets out a breath that could almost be a laugh. He’s been laughing a lot, you’ve come to notice. He’s nervous, you don’t understand why exactly.

“Can I be upfront about something with you? I know this is absolutely fucking brazen of me to do this but… We’ve hardly had the time alone and- Well.” He asks, and it feels rhetorical as he doesn’t give you the time to answer.

“I want you to know that you don’t weigh me down..” His voice gets softer, his eager tone doesn’t leave. He’s-... he’s being honest, you’d like to believe, you really want to believe. (Though, hasn’t it always been more of Jake’s thing than yours?) 

“You’re a friend to me, you always will be one of my-” Jake pauses for a moment, and you wonder if the hesitation is from him carefully choosing his words, or deciding if he even wants to continue all of _this_. “You always will be one of my closest companions. And- Well.. some days you really make me think some nights that you don’t feel the same. I- I know this is a lot to suddenly spring upon you but-”

“When did I ever say that?” Your tone’s more accusatory than intended. Have you ever said that? Denied that you considered him a friend? Something that was once more?

“...When did you ever say differently?” He counters.

That silences you, and you look away. Jake sighs, and out of the corner of your vision you can see him shaking his head. You’re not sure if you should look back. If he even wants you to anymore, and if he actually says yes, does he mean it?

Now that’s taking you down a path you’re not sure you’d like to go, but Jake steps first.

“... I don’t want to put you on the spot, but…” He hesitates, “Are we actually friends, Dirk?”

If you say something, you’re afraid to hurt him.

If you hesitate, you _know_ you’ll hurt him. 

...

You don’t say anything. 

Jake stares hard into the fire, you can see how the flames are reflected on his glasses. Your fingers dig into the black cloth of your joggers.

“...Why do you agree to every offer of hanging out that I extend to you?” Jake’s head snaps over to look at you, his eyebrows knitted together.

“That’s- That is completely irrelevant. You haven’t even answered _my_ question-”

You cut him off, “You don’t have to fake shit for me, Jake. I get it. I completely understand.”

“ _What_?” Jake tries to keep his voice hushed, for the Consorts, you assume.

“There’s no need for you to keep doing this.” You gesture towards both of you, “All of the shit I make you do, it’s _fine_.” 

“When did I _ever-_ ” He pauses, raising his hands up in front of himself. A barrier between the two of you. “Jesus _Christmas_ \- Why do you- What did you-?” He stumbles over his words, growing frustrated. Jake closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath to level himself. He breathes out through his nose, and the pause feels like forever. “Dirk, I do this- I ‘put up with you’, because I think of you as a _friend._ ” 

He sighs when your expression doesn’t change. You honestly don’t know what to do here, you don't know what you are _allowed_ to do.

“I hate- I hate talking about this, Dirk. I hate it as much as you do- And I know you! At least- At least I like to _think_ I know you. I’d like to know you. I’d genuinely like to know you. Even after everything, despite everything, _because_ you’re my friend.”

Jake looks towards you, and you expect him to still be aggravated at your reaction, but he’s not.

He’s.. just sad. The most disheartened you’ve seen in a long time.

“Actually, it’s- it’s fine.“ He starts off, shifting away from you. He’s already trying to fix what he brought upon you. “It’s fine. _I’m_ fine. I shouldn’t have brought it up-”

But when Jake stands, so do you. It’s an action with no thought, no foresight for what lays ahead, what consequences that will occur. He stares at you, blinking owlishly behind his shades; his lenses no longer blocked by the reflection of the campfire.

You’re hesitant when you speak, unusually so. “No- I- I can try. I _should_ try.” As much as you hate the thought crossing your mind, that it’s _you_ doing this to him, for him, he deserves someone that tries. Jake deserves that, at least, and at the most he deserves so, so much more. So much that you cannot provide.

Jake’s posture relaxes, just somewhat. It shocks you that you hardly even realized how wound up he looked for a moment there. How much he was preparing himself for something.

You don’t think about it.

“I won’t ask for a promise, so can it be a maybe? A challenge, perhaps? That’s- Well- something I _know_ you enjoy.”

The shift in the tone of his voice eases you, and a weary smile crosses his face. “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> first time writing jake in a long, long time. hope you enjoyed! also please send @heroboof your love!! his art is wonderful and he's been such a pleasure to talk to and work alongside! :D


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